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Write...Edit...Publish Blogfest-Time to Move On?

 I'm working on a medical romance tentatively titled Unexpected Reunion. It is a reunion romance and both my main characters are doctors who met while at Medical School in Sydney. Met, fell in love, married and then split. Now they meet again and start working together in Fiji. Amber was injured and Jake took care of her while they were away at a conference. Then he slept on the couch to keep an eye on her during the night.


As she went out in the lounge, she saw Jake stretched out on the couch.
So he had stayed the night in her room. She wished he’d stop pretending to care. To be fair, he probably wasn’t pretending, he’d always been genuine, but it would be a lot easier to stamp on her attraction to him if he weren’t so attentive.
And attractive.
She shrugged and looked away.
Lazily he looked up at her. “Good morning, slept well?” And smiled at her.
Just like that, the instantaneous impact, he’d had on her hypothalamus, kicking her desire back to life. 
 “Yes, thank you.”
He sat up and patted the couch next to him for her to sit.
“We still have to talk, last night we were distracted.”
Filled with dread she remembered. Will he ask about Jason? Gingerly she settled beside him.
Last night she was on the verge of telling him, when she’d cut herself. Now in the bright light of the morning she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. She couldn’t bear the thought of him taking her son away.
“Amber, I don’t know why you moved here or why your priorities changed after we split...”

Amber was surprised to see him hesitate. He was Jake, for goodness sake. Didn’t he always speak first and think afterwards? Why the hesitation now?

“Jake…” Amber wanted to tell him about Jason. But he put up a hand to stop her.

“Let me finish first. After I saw you the other night, I started to think.” He said. “I realized we were both to blame for our marriage break up.” He continued when she would have interrupted. “I know I was the most to blame. But you kept on talking about having babies. I was not ready for nappies.”

Tears welled up in her eyes and threatened to spill over. Clenching her jaws tight, she held them back.“You just closed up and walked away, without talking.” Amber reminded him, relived the regret she'd felt at the time.

Jake shook his head. Had the grace to look sheepish. “I know. I was busy graphing out my career path and there you were, talking about starting a family. Hell, even now I’m not ready for children. Never was. Never will be!”

Amber felt the color drain from her face. Now her plan to tell him about Jason was out. If he was not ready for children, even now or in the future then how could she tell him?

He put his hands on her shoulders. “But Amber, after seeing you again, I realize we can have a future,” he massaged her shoulders lightly. “We do have something going for us.” He took her in his arms.

His fingers were hot on her skin and she jumped as the shock of awareness raced up her arm.

“Sorry, Jake but I’m not willing to go there again.” Amber stood up, moving abruptly away from him. What more was there to say? “Something like once bitten…”

“But we are mature now. We weren't much more than children ourselves before...” Jake reached for her again.

Amber stiffened. She realized she was affected by Jake’s nearness as much as he seemed to be affected by her. The spark was still there, always had been. Attraction flared between them as their eyes met. It had always been so. Amber's stomach clenched as she considered her options. In Jake’s equation there was no place for Jason, so where did that leave her?

She couldn’t tell him about Jason, his son. Not now, not ever. Not once he'd put that wedge between them.
He would never want children.
 
 

Word Count 606

Time to move on?

Happy for a full critique just be gentle!
 
Please click on the WEP image to get to all other links for more stories.
 
 

46 comments:

  1. Hey Kelly, you've got the knack for strong storytelling and strong characters. You've put excellent obstacles in the way of Jake and Amber rekindling their relationship. I could feel the tension. But for now, yes, she has to move on.

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    1. Thanks Denise. Yes, the question remains, would she move on?

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  2. That is one major obstacle but I think he needs to know. It will either end them or make their connection stronger, but despite what he says, faced with that responsibility, and with what he's just recently done for her, he could accept it. Sorry, my take. Originally not telling him I can see, but now, knowing how truly selfless he is - it's worth the effort!

    Kelly you did a beautiful job! But darn it I want to know more! I want this resolved! :)

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    1. Hi Yolanda,

      I loved your encouraging words. Yes, she needs to let him now, but how can she now?

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  3. Wow, this one really makes moving on so difficult! But she did, and I'm glad she did. Great read!

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  4. I can see the struggle but I also think she must tell him about his son and perhaps she should have done so sooner. I think she does need to move on but with honesty.

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    1. I agree with you Sally. She does need to let him know. But how to do so when he doesn't want children? She doesn't want her child to feel unloved and unwanted.

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  5. Yeah, that's a deal breaker, there. And i'm sorry- but physical attraction doesn't hold a candle to motherly love.
    My favorite part of this was the relationship- you made the history clear in every pary of their argument.

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    1. Thanks Beverly. But if history does point that he never wanted children, how can she let him know now?

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  6. It is hard to move on when your heart is still holding on. Great entry. Thanks for visiting and commenting on my post. :-)

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    1. Thanks for the comment and encouragement Roland!

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  7. The only problem I have with judgment calls like this (her deciding she can't tell him about his son) in romance is that it seems only to perpetuate non-communication and non-communication so often feels like a device instead of a believable assumption. It seems to me if you truly care about someone, or feel strong enough in yourself (which I would think she would because of her son), you lay it out there on the line. This non-communication I feel, has become a crutch I've seen too many times in books, especially romance. Her hesitancy is clearly motivated, of course, but she's taking away a chance for him to grow, and to take her own doubt away (after all, she's not going to give up her son for him and why would she if he's so two dimensional!).
    At one point she fears him taking her son away? I didn't really understand why if she already knew his feelings about having kids. I've read only a few (think Mary Balogh)romances where the woman (or man) doesn't make the decisions for the other partner, where they state clearly where they are (as in she has a son by him!)so that the partner can have that be a part of their growth curve. Most of the time those blanket statements are based on fear (he doesn't want kids) and once actually presented with the fact, finds it's what he's really wanted all along! Just my thoughts... I LOVE her voice. She is clear and strong in relating this segment. Good scene!

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    1. Couldn't resist popping in on this one Kelly and Lisa. I get what Lisa is saying and that is the major obstacle to some of my writer friends who say they hate romance stories because of these seemingly unbelievable situations with lack of honest communication. I think this storyline would be stronger if more reasons are given--and Kelly, I'm sure you do this in what comes before this extract. As a whole story, I'm sure many of Lisa's questions would be answered, but please Kelly, don't let this put you off posting excerpts. YOU know the motivations. At the moment, much is left to the reader's imagination. Nothing wrong with that. If your excerpt was simply boring, no one would bother commenting to any extent, so well done you!!

      Denise

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    2. Thanks for your comment and feedback Lisa. These are known as external crutches (external plot devises)--where she fears about something but is not sure and the readers are also not sure if her fears are unfounded or not. The character along with the readers would be finding out in due course.

      Denise, thanks for your encouragement. And yes the characters motivations are there. Maybe if this was a 1000 word flash fiction, every aspect, goal and motivation would have been explained, but as an excerpt from a larger word count--it leaves too many questions in readers minds.

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  8. Hi, Kelly,
    It makes for interesting reading when the characters are at cross-purposes with each other. I wonder how you'll work things out in term of Jake and how he will have his turnaround. For this exercise, yup, I can see why she'd be moving right along again.

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    1. Thanks Joy. Yes, Jake would have his turnaround. His character growth sees to that.

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  9. Nice piece. Best of luck with this current manuscript.

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  10. Can she really move on without telling him about the child? Great excerpt. Thank you for your words on mine.

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    1. Hi Nilanjana,

      She would be in grave fault if she doesn't tell him of the child. But how can she?

      Thanks for coming along!

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  11. Oo. It'll be interesting to see how they resolve THAT one. Great excerpt! :)

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  12. Well this was fascinating! Great job getting me totally interested in the story. :) I think she needs to tell him about his son. It is going to be rough- but he needs to know. :) Good luck!

    ~Jess

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  13. Hi Kelly
    Our doctor doesn't know what he's missing. I think you did a good job catching the tension that built with your heroine, both her longing and regret and her determination to be done with him. Good job.

    My story is up.
    Nancy

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    1. Thanks Nancy. Heading over to read your Moving on...

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  14. You had my interest. I wondered about a man who turn away from his own child. I know they exist, but I am curious to see if this man evolves. Keep going.

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    1. He definitely would change, Brenda. He doesn't have a child so he doesn't want a child because of his own history. But once he knows....

      Thanks for coming along!

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  15. Ah, its tough to be attracted but have different life plans. You certainly captured the intensity and emotion in this.

    ......dhole

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  16. It would be interesting to see how this conflict is resolved, Kelly. Great job setting the scene.

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  17. I want more of the story Kelly. I am greedy like that ... loved it so far. But now I want to know what happened. Any idea when you will be finished with this one?

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    1. Hi Nancy!

      Thanks Sweetheart! Loved that you liked the story so far! You will read it soon I hope!

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  18. What a dilemma!!
    Should she... or shouldn't she tell him...? I suppose she will... eventually...
    How on earth is this going to be resolved?
    Writer In Transit

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    1. Hi Michelle!

      Thanks for dropping by! Imagine what a parent would feel if he didn't know he had a child and the child is already a four year old?

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  19. Great snippet Kelly!! It's loaded with tension and plot - I already want the two to get together but that's a pretty big obstacle! Well done :)

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  20. Hi Kelly, wow, I love your direction. I look forward to reading more xx

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  21. 'He was Jake, for goodness sake.'

    :)

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    1. Yes, he was Jake--very alpha! So why was he hesitating now? Thanks Suze!

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  22. That's enticing. If I were Amber, I'd suddenly need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Great suspense.

    xoRobyn

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